Lovin’ large: Sex and the BBW

When it comes to sex positions for larger love, there are some things to consider. But as our Lovin’ Large columnist Kelly Shibari writes, the same goes for any two people trying to tango.

One of the most hurtful things I’ve heard over the years about plus-size women are comments about how to have sex with a larger lady. From jokes about rolling them in flour to finding the wet spot, to downright negative comments expressing disgust and hate, as a plus-sized woman, these types of words are hard to ignore.

Despite the negativity, however, some facts are indeed true – some sex positions are just plain harder for people of size. The funny thing is, there are some sex positions that are difficult regardless of size – who in their right mind thinks that “piledriver,” often seen in porn films, is something that can be done comfortably at home?

Good sex is fun sex – and for some people, that means acrobatics. But for most people, fun sex involves positions where orgasm is possible, and that can change depending on flexibility, agility, and physiology. For larger sex partners, that may mean that certain positions are better than others for a variety of reasons – the main one being accessibility.

Let’s go over two common mental blocks when it comes to sex and the plus size woman:

Your partner will like your body. They will worship your big belly and thick thighs. They will not get in the way of having a fulfilling sexual experience. The man, or woman, who’s with you, is with you because s/he prefers a woman of size, because s/he likes you, and your body. It’s all part of the tactical experience that is your fleshy awesomeness!

You will not crush your partner. Much like how big, tall, burly, guys and short, slender, women can totally get it on without hurting each other, the same goes in reverse. You’re not going to break any bones by being on top of your not-so-husky man. And if he is just as chubby? You’re both cushioned well! Also, remember that for some guys, that extra weight and pressure is part of their sexual experience. How dare you deny him that pleasure? Note: the same advice goes for not-so-chubby people: don’t go trying some weird wrestling move or body-slamming without talking it through with your partner first! Even the smallest people can break and crush others given enough force. And sometimes, when it comes to sex with skinny people, pelvic bones without enough cushioning can get uncomfortable too.

Now that we’ve conquered those hurdles, let’s talk about positions! Everyone will have positions they prefer over others – and not all “suggested positions” will work for everyone. The best and most fun aspect of sex is experimentation and curiosity! If a position doesn’t work, it might be the funniest experience ever – and laughter, combined with the confidence and excitement which comes with the fact that you actually tried something new – is a huge turn on.

So get out there and start experimenting! Does missionary work for you? Sideways? Her on top? Him on top? Cowgirl? Reverse cowgirl? Just laying next to each other and helping each other masturbate (which is my personal favorite)? Indoors? Outdoors? With other people watching? With a third partner? With more than a third partner? Have fun, and remember to laugh – it’s a great aphrodisiac!

Whatever you try, if at first you don’t succeed, there’s always next time. So, don’t get down on your body, instead go down on your partner.