Experts & Friends

Women Need to Stop Faking Orgasms

By on November 8, 2013

faking orgasmWhen it comes to faking orgasms, is it better to have one, or pretend to have one?

To Fake or Not to Fake? If that is the question, then the answer is: DEFINITELY DO NOT FAKE. Trust me, it’s for your own good.

We all know by now that women fake orgasms, and sometimes men do too. Not all the time, but it happens. We fake for a variety of reasons, some of which totally make sense at the time, but in retrospect aren’t always the best decision we woman could make. I know I have faked orgasms so convincingly that the fake ones could have won me an Oscar or two… okay, maybe even ten. What I’ve learned from faking it, is that it doesn’t eventually make it better. It only short-changes my desire for partnered pleasure. I need to STOP faking it, so that I can figure out what I like, and then, when I know what I like, I can tell my lover what needs to be done and how to do it.

Sometimes, I faked it because I ‘felt sorry’ for my man and I was trying to boost his ego. Another time, my boyfriend was taking WAY too long and I wanted to reward his valiant efforts with a big bang. I recall my first boyfriend in college…He would try so hard and yet his absolute lack of knowledge, his uninspiring stroke technique and his nine minute stamina was sadly not enough for me to climax, let alone get anywhere close to seeing the light. Since this was my first serious relationship, I muddled through his sloppy meanderings with all the overly dramatic and encouraging effort of a medicated 1950’s housewife who has been trained since birth to be a dutiful and subservient female. Still, nothing helped. I convinced myself it was not that big a deal, that my faking orgasms would eventually help him find the right path to my G-Spot. I tried telling myself that faking the ‘Big O’ was just a series of little white lies I could tell so that we would enhance our relationship and even grow closer. I now tell myself that that was, and is, complete and utter BS!!!

And I hated myself for doing it. Of course my then boyfriend was as clueless about me faking orgasms as I was about why I kept faking them. Until I realized that if he believed that his bare minimum effort was enough to get me off then why would he try harder? He thought he was hitting home runs when, in reality, he was continuously striking out.

I often think back to that scene from the movie “When Harry Met Sally.” The famous one, where Sally fakes an orgasm in the middle of Katz’s Deli after Harry has said that no woman has ever faked it with him. He says he’d be able to tell is she did fake, until Sally proves him wrong. Yeah, it hit home with a lot of us, because almost every woman has faked it at one point or another. We’ve done it for a myriad of reasons and our partners are usually none-the-wiser. And if you are a sexually active woman who has never faked it then I applaud you! You are to be commended for being so honest. But every single woman I know has faked it at one time or another.

I don’t fake it anymore, not only because it’s dishonest but because it does me no good. Simply put: I deserve to orgasm just as much as my partner does. And I don’t do it any longer because:

Faking an orgasm is like applauding bad technique.

Faking an orgasm takes more effort than it is worth, and I would rather channel my energy into actually having an orgasm than trying to become the Meryl Streep of faking them. I, for one, would rather eat a delicious cupcake than fake eating it! Wouldn’t you?