Dirty Furniture

By on October 1, 2015

Screen Shot 2015-09-22 at 10.48.25 PM

Inspired by a recent Craigslist Portland posting for a Vagina chair that you can no longer buy, we searched the interwebs to bring you what some may consider “dirty” furniture. It doesn’t matter how clean these pieces actually are, some of them may make you feel dirty for a long time to come.

 The Wooden Dildo Coffee Table

Screen Shot 2015-09-22 at 10.53.46 PM

While it may not be effective for holding your drink, this dildo-riffic coffee table is not only something your guests will be talking about, but in a pinch, you can always break off your own special member and hope nobody notices. And if you’re not going to ruin the furniture for you sexual well being, you can try to find a way to let the rounded tips rub you right.


The Bend Over Nightstand

Screen Shot 2015-09-23 at 10.05.57 PM

Gives new meaning to “Honey, can you just bend over and get my cock ring out of the nightstand.” This is the kind of nightstand that reminds you to take it up the ass, or at least to have sex every once in awhile. And if you’re just not in the mood, you can always cover her up with panties or a piece of pretty fabric.



Screen Shot 2015-09-26 at 1.33.40 PM

Photo Credit: Fabio Novembre

These chairs, designed by Italian artist Fabio Novembre, remind us that men don’t have asses — or at least — not shapely ones like their female counterparts. You may not encourage guests to sit naked on these chairs, but these sure do give new meaning to “Baby, Got Back.”

The Dick Vase

Screen Shot 2015-09-26 at 2.10.08 PM


Normally, if someone has something green and pink coming out of their penis, it’s time to run for the hill. But this time, you’re encouraged to pick the flowers off the hills instead (or at least support your local florist). The question remains: Does this bud work for you?

Human Skin Chair

Photo Credit: Jessica Harrison

Photo Credit: Jessica Harrison

Artist Jessica Harrison may not be out to make sexy (and we’re not sure we didn’t throw up a little in our mouths when we saw her depictions of skin furniture), but there is something raw about her pseudo-skin chair. Even if this doesn’t make you want to have sex, you have to admit, it reminds you a little bit of balls. C’mon, just a little bit? Or is this too much of a stretch?


What’s your favorite piece of human body furniture?