Having multiple orgasms isn’t as simple for some women as it is for others and it certainly wasn’t for me. In fact, many women have trouble experiencing even one orgasm. According to statistics, only about 60% of women can do it. This can be due to physiological factors, but more often than not, the problem is psychological. Studies have shown that women of all ages have experienced multiple orgasms – the common denominator is being in touch with one’s own sexuality. Any hang-ups I might have had, needed to be left outside the bedroom door, because inhibition (aka insecurities) is the most prevalent reason that I was not climaxing multiple times. I understood that letting go of my insecurities wasn’t as simple as pressing a button, but I had to accept my own sexuality if I wanted maximum gratification. God knows I had to climb this mountain by myself, and it wasn’t easy, but with a lot of persistence, ‘hard work’ (wink!) and determination, I now have multiple orgasms with the best of them!
By definition the term “multi-orgasmic” refers to the experience of having one orgasm after another with little or no refractory period in between. The refractory period is the recuperation phase that immediately follows orgasm, the lull in the action that usually sidelines most men until they can develop another erection. Speaking from experience, I can keep going even after reaching climax. Sometimes women experience a voluntary lull in the action brought about by clitoral hypersensitivity (this often follows orgasm).
I used to be satisfied with one single orgasm and didn’t think about trying for more. This is where the error in my thinking was. Since all women are capable of multiple orgasms, why not have as many as humanly possible? This is also where I had to realize that sexual self-awareness comes into play, because if you really know how to ‘press your own buttons’, you can bypass any roadblocks on your way to becoming a multi-orgasmic superstar! I had gotten so used to depending on my partner giving me pleasure and relying solely on him that I had been dismissive of masturbating as a means to achieve climax.
In my research during my quest of becoming multi-orgasmic I found that ALL women are physiologically capable of having multiple orgasms. With a little effort, “elbow grease” and determination, you can teach yourself, just as I did, to relax, take the time to let go, and enjoy the kind of mind-blowing ecstasy that you’ve heard about! If you take anything away from this article, it’s that you have to trust me and trust yourself that you can do this. It is worth it.
I cannot stress this enough. The majority of multi-orgasmic women report that they primarily experience multiple orgasms as a result of masturbation. This suggests that problematic stressors such as performance anxiety and self-consciousness can be alleviated by the absence of a partner, which in turn paves the way for the kind of free sexual exploration that facilitates multiple orgasms. Simply put, I learned that I had to depend on myself to know what I liked and what brings me to climax and that I could not depend solely on my partner to bring me pleasure because they are never going to know my body as well as I do.
Get acquainted with your body – like you are discovering it for the first time. I was always a huge fan of taking a bath and starting there after straightening up my apartment (because I couldn’t fully relax if I knew there were laundry waiting, dishes to be done or the garbage had to be taken out…but, again, that’s just my little peccadillo!) Lie in the hot water and imagine your deepest desires coming to life. Slowly explore your body freely and without hesitation. Keep in mind that sexual stimulation is 97% mental. Try not to become stressed out or daunted from past experiences. A positive attitude is required to unleash your inner Multi-Orgasmic Goddess! I found my Inner Multi-Orgasmic Goddess; I named her Shiva the Diva, and she is AMAZING!
It took me a while to figure a few things out but knowing what I like and what makes me tick is half the battle – along with patience and endurance.
What I didn’t know, and what many women don’t know, is that achieving multiple orgasms can be as easy as not stopping after one. I just told myself to keep going and going and going until I was spent – shaking so hard I couldn’t hold onto my vibrator anymore! Whether you’re masturbating or having sex, you can’t give up after the first ripples of pleasure cease. I was always shy about this at first but then once I fully realized my orgasmic potential, I demanded my lover keep up. And when I was alone it was a challenge to myself to wear myself out.
And you have to start working on the next orgasm immediately. Total relaxation is the key. The next time you masturbate; make a day of it, freeing yourself from all schedules and deadlines. This is the time for you. You could take a few queues from my aforementioned advice and start with taking a long sensuous bath replete with candles and incense, and possibly a removable showerhead (trust me, it works wonders). Remind yourself that you are a powerful, beautiful and confident woman. Don’t be afraid to try out different techniques. For example you can use both hands, or if you are on your bed lie on your stomach and wiggle around. Or blindfold yourself and imagine that your own hands are your lover’s hands instead. Bear in mind that there is no right or wrong way to masturbate. Whatever technique you use, the important thing is to focus on whatever feels good to you. Take delight in your body and have fun discovering new pleasure giving areas that you might have previously overlooked.
Tech Support. (Otherwise known as I LOVE vibrators!)
Another option could be venturing out to your local adult toyshop to try out a few new gadgets. I had an absolute ball when going on the hunt for a new toy or two (or eight!). I was a little nervous at first so I can understand this could be a little embarrassing for you but any sex toy store (or website) worth their salt is going to have a knowledgeable and friendly staff. I prefer women-centered stores that cater more towards female sexual awareness and pleasure. I remember my college roommates bought my very first vibrator for me when I was 19! It was a very simple yet elegant slender purple shaft with 5 speed adjustments, and I enjoyed every single level of vibration it had to offer! I named him Liam Neeson -sadly a half-wit couch surfer and lowly slut named Carrie who looked like a catfish with a bad perm stole Liam. Needless to say I was heartbroken.
A simple vibrator with variable speed adjustments could be something perfect for a beginner. If you are feeling up to it after a while, you could graduate to a vibrator/clitoris stimulator combo – like a Rabbit vibe, the kind made famous by the gals in “Sex and the City”. Just don’t get too carried away and purchase an item you may not be ready for. I have made this mistake before and ended up with a too-large dildo that could be used to clobber someone to death. While I never used ‘Hercules, he does make an appearance every once in a while as a gag-gift (no pun intended).
And it’s important to note that some of your more worthwhile vibrators are not going to be cheap. If you want quality you have to be willing to pay for it, so be prepared to get something around the $100 mark. I know this may seem pricey, but keep in mind your goal of becoming multi-orgasmic and think to yourself “Can I really put a price on such a gift to myself?”
Do Your Exercises.
You can improve the intensity of your orgasms simply by regularly exercising and strengthen your Kegel muscles. These muscles, named after Dr. Arnold Kegel, are the muscles that form your “pelvic floor”. These are the muscles that contract during orgasm, so by exercising them, you will have stronger orgasms and be better able to control your pelvic area to assure maximum pleasure. I have gotten to the point when I do several hundred a day without even breaking a sweat. It’s almost like an involuntary reaction now that I am so used to it,
These exercises are also beneficial in tightening the vagina, and they’re simple. You contract your pelvic muscles as though you were trying to stop the flow of urine. Try doing this through multiple sets of clenches for 5 to 10 minutes at a time, several times a day. You can also try inserting your well-lubed finger into your vagina to help identify these muscles by feeling the pressure that is exerted when you clamp down on your finger as strongly as possible. And it can also be done during sex (make sure you get feedback from your lover to improve stimulation for the both of you), or you can try sitting cross-legged and repeat the clenches multiple times that way! There are items that act as weights/exercisers such as Ben-Wa Balls, which are small, marble-sized balls, often gold-plated and slightly weighted. You insert them into the vagina during masturbation to improve sensation, vaginal tightness and control. You can master the technique of keeping these balls inside you by clenching and releasing the walls of your vagina while they clink together. Since they are weighted, it may be difficult to do so at first but with a little effort, you’ll feel the rhythmic clicking of these magnetized balls as they provide added stimulation and help you with your muscle control.
Be Honest and Giving.
I would let myself get incredibly frustrated when multiple orgasms didn’t happen overnight, and in turn, my frustration would be counterproductive to everything I was trying to learn. To achieve sexual confidence I had to learn to mentally free myself from all negative stereotypes about female sexuality. I found myself drawn to the kinkier side of sex, and I chose to go with it freely, rather than feel I should discourage or feel ashamed about exploring my fantasies. And just as important, I realized I shouldn’t be with a partner who made me feel self-conscience about it. If they persisted, then I realized perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate my relationship. I needed to be able to fully express my sexuality. If you have a partner that is unwilling to join you, or encourage you on your ‘journey’ to becoming multi-orgasmic then you may want to look at your relationship. This is not as easy to do as it is to write about – but you deserve someone that will applaud and appreciate your endeavors!
Once I was able to have mastered my own technique, I was not at all bashful about telling my partner what I needed to achieve my sexual ‘fireworks’. It got to the point where I would let them watch so I could teach them firsthand how I loved to be touched! Every single partner I’ve had since loves this part of foreplay!
Just remember…make it fun and don’t to forget to reward yourself and your lover for your patience, willingness and hard work. It will all be worth it in the end. Trust me.
What are your thoughts on being multi-orgasmic?