On Fat Women: Being Them and Knowing Them

By on March 25, 2015

Overweight women get a lot of flack for being fat. They also get fetishized and fawned over — sometimes in respectful ways, and other times not. Our society has a complicated relationship with females who aren’t thin, and this reality is clearly reflected in the stories written and shared about them on a regular basis. 

Because all of us at like to showcase different perspectives on body image and attraction, we’ve collected some of the most interesting articles we could find on what it means to be and know fat women. We’ve cited some of the most compelling excerpts from each article for you to read below. We hope you appreciate them as much as we do. 




Lovin’ Large: Sex and The BBW

One of the most hurtful things I’ve heard over the years about plus-size women are comments about how to have sex with a larger lady. From jokes about rolling them in flour to finding the wet spot, to downright negative comments expressing disgust and hate, as a plus-sized woman, these types of words are hard to ignore.

Despite the negativity, however, some facts are indeed true – some sex positions are just plain harder for people of size. The funny thing is, there are some sex positions that are difficult regardless of size – who in their right mind thinks that “piledriver,” often seen in porn films, is something that can be done comfortably at home?

My Boyfriend Loves Fat Women

As a fat woman, I have been taught that there is an order of operations for love: First, you get thin; then, you can date who you want. Until you do the first thing, the second thing is impossible. So for many women who struggle with their weight, it becomes a fight not just for their health or well-being, but a struggle to just be worthy of the love so many people take for granted.

She’s Fat and I’m Not

“I ate a blueberry muffin,” she said. It was a low-carb day. The fact that she felt so bad about eating a mini-muffin was endearing and sad. I kissed her forehead and told her not to worry, but it was a major blow to her resolve. She had a professional exam coming up and fell back on the habit of eating when stressed. She skipped meals, ate late. The weight loss reversed.

I know I need to be patient with her. And she needs to be patient with herself. Whether she does or doesn’t go back on the diet, I support her. My girlfriend is so much more than a number on a scale: funny, selfless, kind and generous, with a tremendous work ethic. She is beautiful. I’m lucky she chose me. Together, we’ve got nothing to lose.

Do Overweight Women Settle For Shitty Guys?

“The one thing I like about fat girls is that they’ll always [sleep with] you,” is what Rhiannon* heard a guy say when walking near a strip of bars popular among the college crowd in her city. “I personally had a good six months of being a total tramp in my early 20s,” she says. “I see these bigger girls out at clubs or at coffee shops, and they’ll just throw themselves at anyone who looks their way.” Says Wendy Wimmer, “It goes back to this whole idea of settling, this theory that fat girls are easy because they haven’t had any sex, so their ankles are up by their ears.”

No, My Boyfriend Isn’t “Settling” For a Plus-Size Girl

So, my boyfriend is skinny and I’m definitely not. But, one of the hardest things about being in a “mixed weight” relationship is other people and their opinions (and projections). While I don’t often hear comments about my weight when I’m alone, I do get a very strong message about my weight in the context of my dating life. The message comes in many forms, but it’s always the same: “You do not deserve to be with him.”

Sometimes, the message is delivered via a flirty waitress at a restaurant who smiles at him while scribbling my order — it’s straight out of a movie. Other times, the message comes from a smiling face that says, “You’re a VERY lucky girl…” Is that a backhanded compliment?

I Date Fat Women And I Wish Everyone Would Stop Being Jerks About It

Because fat is viewed as inherently unworthy by a society that really needs to check its priorities, my dates and I have grown accustomed to evenings that involve being stared at on the train, in restaurants, and by neighbors. I’ve learned to master staring contests. I would still love to exact revenge upon the rabid old man who told my date to move her “fat ass.” And because we’re dealing with the double whammy of gayness and fat, I could probably start a Tumblr of wide-eyed, open-mouthed onlookers. Gawkers of Gotham, anyone?

What do you think about the way fat women are treated?