Quit Bitching Guys: It’s Not Harder for Us to Get Laid

It’s time for men to stop bitching about how tough it is to get laid. Or is it?

“From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn’t getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we’re not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!”

– Kevin, American Pie

All of us guys howl to our friends about how women can get sex whenever they want, while men are subject to jumping through hoops and scaling high standards. You’ll find this debate in everything from research papers to blogs to “barguments” (loud offensive arguments in a bar). Too many versions of this debate are dry on logic, soggy with gender-sensitivities and absolutely drenched in personal bullshit, making it apparent that nobody has ever adequately addressed the “man getting laid” issue.

This debate often starts with the same opening statement (here is one of the more sensible attempts at a thesis statement I have found):

Between single males and single females, women are more likely to find a sexual partner when actively looking.

The conversation tends to follow a similar path from here: agreement. A common line of initial reasoning points to a difference in standards between men and women. Because men are inherently hornier than women, they are more likely to accept advances from women who meet minimal criteria.

Supposedly, a girl could have a mediocre physique and half a brain — but as long as her face is cute and she doesn’t laugh like a seagull, men will gladly accept her eagerness. Not only that, but apparently, men don’t mind taking home the town skank. We’re like African farmers; if we’re desperate to plough, we don’t mind sharing a good ox. And thanks to double standards, we can rack up the numbers with little to no backlash. Conversely, women are always reluctant to accept advances from “players,” and women need more than a good jawline to give a guy the green light.

So, if this is all true, then wouldn’t it stand to reason that it’s easier for men to get laid? If our standards are so malleable, shouldn’t we be getting laid more often than women? By the sounds of it, we can just scamper around town in nice dress shirts buying drinks for warthogs, cashing in on desperation and bleak alternatives. Consider this quote from Kurt Braunohler in episode 457 of This American Life, entitled, “What I Did For Love”.

“Anyone in New York City — I feel like — can have sex any night of the week if they just follow two rules — which is: stay at the bar until 4:00 in the morning and dramatically lower your standards.”

New York or not, it’s kinda true, isn’t it? Why wouldn’t it be just as true for either sex?

The next key issue in this debate is the emergence of an underlying assumption that women have ultimate control over sex, even when they are relatively unattractive. Not only is this a profoundly insulting proposal, but it’s also bullshit. Below is a great quote from Jessa Crispin, the Managing Editor of the blog, Bookslut:

This is meant to be comforting, I think. A woman permits and denies access to sex, and all she has to do is want it bad enough. Bad enough to make the effort, of course… But it, too, is a lie. There is such a thing as being unfuckable and female, whether because of weight or lack of femininity or age or poverty or that desperation you start to emit in waves after a few years without anyone trying to get into a dark corner…

Perhaps you’re now turning a logical corner. You’re starting to realize that the debate is aimless. Getting laid is easier for a guy who looks like Channing Tatum in Magic Mike than it is for a woman who looks like Seabiscuit in Seabiscuit. So let’s amend the thesis to be more specific and framed as an equal competition:

If one male and one female, of equal charm and equal attractiveness to the opposite sex, are given one year to have sex with as many partners as possible, the female will always get the higher number.

To support this theory, we are now forced to claim that this is a strict matter of biology, sociology and math. We propose that men are wired to be more horny more often and thus, perpetually more desperate for sex. As a result, in any sample of men at any given time, women will always find a higher concentration of people willing to have sex with them than men will find in any sample of women. Sound fair? Not to me.

The final issue in this debate is how quick we are to acknowledge the intensity of men’s sexuality, and we ignore the critical time-sensitivity of women’s biology. A single woman in her 30s feels a lot more pressure to find a partner and have children than a single man of the same age. Men also tend to look better to more women as they run through their 30s and 40s. Finally, there is a social stigma surrounding “older” women prowling to get their claws into a guy and settle him down. The lore of a few casual bed busters resulting in attempted sequestering and months of harassment has deterred many a man. Men might be horny, but as we’ve all heard, bitches be cray.

If you’re not with me yet, I have one final point: the numbers don’t support the incumbent theory. In a large study done in the USA in 2010, the portion of single men between 18 and 49 that had not had sex in the last year was about 48%. For women, it was just under 60%. Women start in the lead, but once 30 hits, it’s a dramatic turning of the tables.

With all factors considered, no matter how you look at it, men have a pretty good deal in the sex game. Do super-hot 21-year-old chicks get whatever they want? Pretty much. But super-hot, successful 25-year-old men aren’t exactly jerking off in the dark on their birthday. So don’t be fooled by the volume of rejection stories flying around. In general, men might be more prone to taking home-run swings and striking out, but that’s not the same as being stuck on the bench.

Who do you think has an easier time getting laid: men or women?