The Art of Vaginal Kung Fu

Image: Screenshot from 10 Reasons to Lift Weights With Your Vagina.

Do you lie awake at night wishing you could open a pickle jar with only the power of your pussy? Have your attempts to shoot ping-pong balls from your vagina ended in failure? Sex coach Kim Anami says the solution to such problems can be solved with the ancient art of vaginal kung fu — which involves lifting weights with only your cooter.

10 Reasons to Lift Weights With Your Vagina, the promo for sex educator Kim Anami’s vaginal strength program, has gone viral. The idea of vaginal weight lifting is clever, exciting, and bizarre. On her website, Anami offers a free vaginal kung fu video series where she breaks down the basics of the practice. In the first of the three videos, she explains that a “masterful vagina” should be able to:

1) Move furniture

2) Shoot ping-pong balls

3) Provide bliss and euphoria constantly

4) Be capable of every type of orgasm — from G-Spot to cervical orgasms

5) Be able to control whether or not a man ejaculates

Sounds impressive and intimidating, doesn’t it, ladies? Some women can’t even do these things with their hands, let alone their crotches.

Anami says that vaginal weight lifting is crucial because kegels alone don’t work. She says that in order to strengthen your PC muscles (the muscles of the pelvic floor), the muscles need to lift weight. Merely squeezing your vaginal muscles without resistance is futile.

“And if you feel like you’re getting some benefit [from kegels],” Anami says in one of her videos. “Let me ask you this: can you move furniture with your vagina? If you can’t, then you have a lot further to go — or rather — deeper to go.”

So how do we go deeper, Vaginal Kung Fu Master Anami?

Her first assignment in the video series is to “wake-up” your vagina. She tells you to put your fingers or a dildo into your vagina and squeeze for ten seconds. She says to imagine that the left side of your vagina and the right side of your vagina can function separately. She says to practice squeezing your fingers with only the left side, then only the right side. According to Anami, if you do that for five to ten minutes every day, you’re well on your way to a toned puss.

In the follow-up videos in the series, Anami talks about everything from Taoism to the woman with the strongest vagina in the world. She even goes on to discuss her personal experience with her own vagina — saying that when she walks down the street, Anami feels as if her vagina is a separate entity walking next to her.

The video series is full of a bunch of other interesting factoids and non-factoids. Anami admits that she thinks modern science is way off when it comes to vaginas, and that she’s benefitted more from ancient teachings than she has from most new studies. And even though she promotes vaginal weight lifting as some sort of miracle-fix for many forms of female sexual dysfunction (incontinence, vaginal numbness, etc.), we can’t forget that sexual health is more complicated than that.

As Dr. Leah Millheiser, director of the Female Sexual Medicine Program at Stanford University School of Medicine, points out: “Sexual dysfunction really is multifaceted in women: it’s psychological, it’s physiological, it includes relationship factors. A woman may have a perfectly working vagina but have a horrible sex life because of other issues.”

Will you do vaginal kung fu?