There’s a Tumblr Where Women Explain How to Make Them Come

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Ever wish that women would just give you a play-by-play of what they want from sex? Or tell you, honestly, what they desire? Well, your wish has been granted.

How To Make Me Come is a Tumblr where women submit posts explaining their individual perspectives on sex and what they want — with post titles including “Kissing Me Will Make Me Feel Like I Am More Than a Vagina (Which I Am)” and “Act Like You Enjoy It. Wait, No. Actually Enjoy It.” The writers are very real and open, and the posts provide quite the education on the dynamics of female desire. In “There Is Nothing More Damning Than You Ignoring The Most Sensitive Spot on a Woman,” the author straight up lists all of the things that she wants and what not to do. Can’t get much more explicit than that:

I had a boyfriend for three years who could never make me cum. Let me tell you why.

1. He felt like he was already a master of sex: Please don’t take me saying I’m not there as if I am saying your dick is the size of a penny and you couldn’t put it in a coin slot if you tried, let alone find it. My body is different than the 3 or 30 other women you’ve banged. Believe it or not, you have to charm a vagina before you master it.

2. Yes, I’m faking it: If you haven’t tried talking to me or let me talk to you about what feels good and what just feels like biology then yes I’m on stage and I am slaying this death scene.

3. He thinks “using toys” actually means,  “trying a threesome”: Nope. A dildo and another woman are not the same thing. Believe it or not when a woman wants to involve toys it’s to research her pleasure, it’s not to emasculate you.

4. He goes to an ice cream parlor and the only flavor he tries and then orders is… vanilla: Sex takes work. Missionary is sometimes just a mission. Throw me around like a rag doll, please. Hold me down or press me up against something. Tell me what you want or I’ll tell you what I want. Just don’t think sex is a routine, because honey, no one sees Phantom on Broadway unless they are broke and from out of town FOR A REASON.

5. Don’t make the pussy sleep outside because she’s an indoor cat: Love the vagina. There is nothing more damning than you ignoring the most sensitive spot on a woman. I’m not a video game, I don’t have buttons, I’m a book dammit and you better learn to read and turn the pages.

6. Use more metaphors.

7. He makes me feel silly for being “wild”: Perhaps I’m alone in this but I WANT to be described as wild. That term does not mean I’m crazy or needy or weird. If I’m drunk and want to get freaky then get on board. This is our time to be careless and free, you old man full of farts and regrets! (Whoa, we took a dark turn there. I swear I’m past this)

8. Saying “You look nice” is as if you are talking to your grandmother or your kindergarten teacher, not the girl you are trying to fuck: I deeply appreciate adjectives. It may sound archaic but saying something hot, not to be confused with saying something deep, helps.

9. He doesn’t take the hands on approach: To put it lightly, put your hands all over me, up me, and around me.  Take as much time trying to make me feel good as you would trying to hold and eat a sandwich that’s too big for your hands and mouth.

10. He’s not sexually compatible: Wake up and smell the conspiracy. For too long, I tried to think that it was my fault. That something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t old enough, or in touch enough, or experienced enough to know what I needed. And it was partly my fault. I wish I had spoken up.

Got any sex advice of your own for lady-lovers? Leave them in the comments below.