When Sex (Toys) Go Wrong

When it comes to sex, adding a toy can truly spice up your sex life. Yet, every so often sex toys don’t work the way we expect them to. Whether you’re following instructions, manipulating devices, or experimenting with homemade contraptions, make sure you avoid situations that can lead to your death, or the death of specific body parts.

“Playful Type” by Chris Labrooy

Death by Vibrator

When a vibrating sex toy got lodged up Nigel Willis’ bum, he did nothing. Instead of seeking medical help and dealing with the embarrassment of having to get something surgically removed from his anus, Nigel spent five days lying like a log (not to be confused with laying a log), in excruciating pain while he, quite possibly, prayed for a miracle. Unfortunately we won’t know if and what Nigel prayed for – because he’s dead.

Only after a friend begged him to seek urgent care did Nigel go to the doctor, but by then it was too late. He body was in septic shock and he couldn’t recover. Because he refused to get help when he needed it, Nigel died from a vibrator in his anus.

Dead Penis by Cock Ring

Cock rings are rings that are worn at the base of his penis and over his balls, and they can help give him a bigger, stronger and potentially longer lasting erections. The problem is that when people decide that a cock ring is going to ENHANCE penis function, they don’t often think about what will happen if their penis STOPS functioning. 

One 30-year-old lacked this foresight and managed to get his penis stuck in not one iron ring, but THREE. Rather than seeking help, he spent a week trying to remove the rings by himself. In the end, his penis was dead, and he had to live with what happened for the rest of his life.

If a metal ring gets stuck and you don’t want to go to the emergency room, you can always call your local fire department. They usually are the go-to place for the power tools needed to cut off a bad cock ring job. 

Also, to avoid this problem, a man should always start with a ring he knows can be easily removed, i.e. one that he can stretch around the base of the shaft, and/or over the shaft and balls. Metal rings and more intricate devices are a big no-no unless someone is a trained cock ring professional (meaning he has used them before and knows what he’s doing). Certain types of rings can (and do) land guys in the emergency room. And it’s never pretty — we’re talking purple penises and screwed up scrotum.

Dildo + Saw = A Bloody Mess

A Southern Maryland woman was airlifted to the ER after she let her partner attach a saber saw blade to a common household dildo.  The blade sawed through the plastic dildo and didn’t stop sawing. While the sex was consensual, the sex toy plus saw blade was plain stupid. The lesson here: Things that can cut you up, can also cut your bits up. Never, ever put sharp objects near your genitals, unless you’re willing to lose a lip or a limb.

Nipple Clamps of Death

Kirsten and her husband Toby liked to experiment with electrifying sex. Unfortunately, the Pennsylvania couple decided to create their own electric nipple clamps — and they’ll never have electrifying sex again. EVER. 

After trying to blame his wife’s death on a hairdryer accident, Toby admitted that their sex play involved self-made electrifying nipple “clips” that had a cord that plugged into an electrical strip. The outcome? A shocking good time.

However, this time it was shockingly good (in a bad way) and the fourth shock knocked Kirsten unconscious. She was dead shortly thereafter. If you’re into a titty twister, stay safe. Use clothespins, fingers or some store-bought nipple clamps and stay away from homemade electrical devices.

What’s the most dangerous sex toy you’ve ever played with?